"When I'm frustrated that I'm not doing well in a tournament I cut my own hair, just lop it all off. I've probably made a right mess of it, but luckily I wear a cap when I play."

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This Tony Haywire guy, whatever his name is, he told the BBC on Sunday that he believes the new oil cap that they've installed will eventually capture the vast majority of oil spewing from the well. You know, if they could capture half the BS spewing from Tony Hayward, people would be thrilled.

— Jay Leno