"Everyone wants a more simple tax system. But if this means that certain tax breaks have to be cut, people are no longer so enthusiastic."

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If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.

— Ray Romano