"Gays (homosexuals) usually bring up the argument about all the straight couples living in 'sham' marriages, but I see no point in dragging the Clintons into this"

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Never invite to dinner: those who won't decide until the last minute; those who come more than half an hour late; those who want to bring along two or three friends; drunks; monologists; those who stay until three o'clock in the morning; those who think that conversation means having an argument; those who take a high moral tone; those who are stupid, ugly, or dull. Enforcement of these rules will enable one to eat alone every night in comfort.

— Mason Cooley