"Flying back from New York, the flight attendant said 'God, I wished you were here yesterday, we had a stroke on the plane.' I said, 'If I have a stroke on a plane, I hope the pretend doctor isn't the one on the plane. I want a real doctor.'"

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If you take one rivet out of an airplane, it will be all right, it'll keep flying. You take another rivet out of the airplane and it still flies. So what the heck, let's take more rivets out of the airplane, and sooner or later, the airplane drops from the sky.

— Ted Danson