"The 1980s were such a shock for me. I was really young, obviously, and The Slits were just mutilated. We were totally sabotaged to such a point that we were put out in exile. So that was the best way for me to spend the '80s: in the jungle, naked. Maybe there are more options now, and there's more girl groups. The only thing good that came out of the '80s was breakdancing."

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I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with shoe color. Also, females tend to reach emotional maturity very quickly, so that by age 7 they are no longer capable of seeing the humor in loud inadvertent public blasts of flatulence, whereas males can continue to derive vast enjoyment from this well into their 80s.

— Dave Barry