"I get to cry to Barbara Walters, when things don't go my way. I'll get community service no matter which laws I break."

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I don't trust Santa Barbara as far as I can spit. I am afraid that if I went back there, it's possible that I could be run through their system, their judicial system, and wind up in some county jail where I could be killed and I'm not gonna take that chance.

— Randy Quaid