"My biggest regret is that my mother didn't see me walk on to that London Palladium stage, being the star she always wanted me to be. But I always say that when she reached Heaven, she had a word with a few agents."

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If priests had not been fond of mutton, lambs never would have been sacrified to god. Nothing was ever carried to the temple that the priest could not use, and it always happened that god wanted what his agents liked.

— Robert Green Ingersoll