"Most of the common infections - colds, flu, diarrhea - you get environmentally transmitted either in the air or on surfaces you touch. I think people under-rate surfaces."

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I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.

— Zach Galifianakis