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"E-mails are the new herpes: You never get rid of them."

— Christopher Buckley
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Christopher Buckley
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Herpes

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Herpes, AIDS, the Middle East at full throttle. Better check that sausage before you put it in the waffle.

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Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

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