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— Conan O'Brien"According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse in Ireland is on the rise. Mainly because the guy who didn't drink now does."
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I officially designated every US ambassador on earth to be my personal human rights representative, and to have the embassy be a haven for people who suffered from abuse by their own government.
— Jimmy Carter
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There's two types of hecklers. If someone says something really funny it's normally them heckling as part of the show. They're trying to add onto one of your jokes. If someone says something really funny, I've never seen a comedian abuse them, you always sort of tip your hat a little bit if they nail it.
— Jim Jefferies
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