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— Daniel Tosh"If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules."
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My dad one time told me, he was like, 'The only time you should lie is when someone's holding a gun to your head and says 'Okay, lie or I'm going to shoot you.' And that really stuck with me. I think about that a lot. I used to not be really honest with girls and then I dropped a song called "Starry Room" and then I started turning over a new leaf. Now, I'm completely honest with girls all the time and they just get mad at me.
— Jaden Smith
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
— Daniel Tosh
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