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— David Letterman"President Obama says he wants to put an end to the policy, 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' Yeah, in the military. This is not to be confused with George Bush's policy, 'Don't Know, Don't Care.' That's a whole different deal."
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A general-in-chief should ask himself several times in the day, What if the enemy were to appear now in my front, or on my right, or my left?
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They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.
— David Letterman
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