"How old are you? If your first reflex is to reply with your chronological age, the number on your birth certificate, you are only one-third correct. There are actually two additional, and more important, indicators of age. And the exciting news is that it is within your power to adjust both of these other "age indicators" and truly grow younger and live longer."

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I want to just take a moment to thank the Teabaggers. Thank you so much for helping us pass health care, for resurrecting the Obama presidency. I know they're saying, 'Why are you thanking me? I was so against it, I marched on Washington with tea bags hanging off my Founding Fathers costume, with a gun on my hip and a picture of Obama dressed as Hitler, screaming about his birth certificate.' And America saw that and said, 'I think I'll go with the calm black man.'

— Bill Maher