"American Pie speaks to the loss that we feel. That's why that song has found the niche that it has."

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No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight will for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!

— Kevin Myers