"The thing is girls will always say you're lying when you say you had sex with them when you're lying about having sex with them."

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Time machine... wouldn't you like to travel through time? I would. I'd go back... mess with people. You know what I would do? I would go back to when my mom and dad were having sex, to have me. Ya'know, come in, spank my dad on the ass I'm your son from the future! Ahaha!

— Dane Cook