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— Doug Stanhope"I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you."
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I started drinking when I was like 15, and by the time I was 19 everybody knew I was an alcoholic. So I would start five fights every weekend and lose terribly. First you start off fighting with one person and then he beats you up; and then one guy would be laughing, so you would hit him, too.
— Felipe Esparza
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They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?
— Norm MacDonald
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