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— Dylan Moran"Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!"
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A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."
— Frank Carson
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
— Rodney Dangerfield
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