"Although I fancy Britney, I think Shakira is hot too. Maybe I could let them fight over me. I'm a young lad and I've got to keep my options open."

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How would you know? Everything’s like sex. It’s the universal metaphor. To pick a lock, let me guess, you have to go slow at first, but then you have to pull off some fancy moves, and you have to stay concentrated, and you have to stick something in something, right?

— Ned Vizzini