"I've been taking batting practice in my barn where nobody can see me, so I may be better than anyone thinks."

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The harsh truth is, most red-haired men look like blondes who've spoiled from lack of refrigeration. They look like brown-haired men who've been composted out behind the barn. Yet that same pigmentation that on a man can resemble leaf mold or junkyard rust, a woman wears like a tiara of rubies.

— Tom Robbins