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— Greg Giraldo"Look at the insane things the Jews believe. The Jews believe that Barbra Streisand is worth $1,000 bucks a ticket."
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I'm not a big one for jokes. I can't tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand bucks and said, "Don, get up at a party and tell a joke," I'm the worst.
— Don Rickles
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Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street - genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.
— Richard Jeni
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