"When I was in elementary school I was a big fan of the zip-off pants that could be turned into shorts. The Delia's catalog used to be my bible."

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When I was growing up, my mother would always say, 'It will go on your permanent record.' There was no 'permanent record.' If there were a 'permanent record,' I'd never be able to be a lawyer. I was such a bum, in elementary school and high school... There is a permanent record today and it's called the Internet.

— Alan Dershowitz