"The Westwood Cemetery is just a few blocks from my home, and a number of my very dear friends are buried there."

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I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

— Mitch Hedberg