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— Jay Leno"The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet the next day the malls will be overrun with Mayans trying to buy last-minute gifts."
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[That is] hard to predict, [it] could be either September or December [2016] I personally think the sooner the better because that would be a good sign that the Fed believes the economy is significantly stronger.
— Jamie Dimon
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...But he was a good landlord. When my heater stopped working in mid-December, it took him only two weeks to get it fixed. Of course, it took me knocking on his door in need of a warm place to sleep to get it that way, but one night on his sofa, where I’d suddenly developed night terrors and epilepsy, and that puppy was running like a Mercedes the next day. It was awesome.
— Darynda Jones
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