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— Jeff Ross"I can't defend someone else's jokes. I can only defend my jokes, and I have to live with my own jokes."
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My own personal rule is to tell jokes that I think the person I'm making them about can laugh at, to go home and tell their family, oh, my gosh.
— Jeff Ross
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The great joke is that a realist is an optimistic pessimist. That's very witty. Whether it's truthful or not, that I don't know.
— John Hurt
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