"I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me."

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I told my son, who's 11, "Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care." So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, "All right, now I care that you curse." You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, "I don't care." But it's just going to cause chaos.

— Jim Gaffigan