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— Jimmy Carr"I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat."
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A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
— Jimmy Carr
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