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— Jimmy Fallon"A top aide to Donald Trump says he quit the campaign this weekend because of Trump's public feuds, but Trump said he was fired. When asked what he was fired for, Trump said, 'Quitting!'"
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The drug lord is on the run. His name is El Chapo. Donald Trump is in a Twitter feud with this Mexican drug lord. It's historic - the first time Americans have ever sided with a Mexican drug lord.
— Conan O'Brien
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Being a celebrity is a no-win situation. If you get along with your co-star you're having an affair, if you don't you're having a feud.
— Barbra Streisand
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