"Every time an ashtray is missing from a hotel, they don't come looking for you. But let a diamond bracelet disappear in France and they shout John Robie, the Cat. You don't have to spend every day of your life proving your honesty, but I do."

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Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?"

— Jeff Foxworthy