"To brand man with infamy, and let him free, is an absurdity that peoples our forests with assassins."

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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.

— Greg Behrendt