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"I don't want to die before my parents die, especially my mother. Because I think that's tragic. Because I don't want her to get the chance to pick out what I'm going to wear for eternity."

— Jon Stewart
jon stewart Quotes Tragic,Wanting To Die,Mother

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If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.

— Rodney Dangerfield

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Our ultimate weapon is not our guns but our beliefs ... Ours are not Western values. They are the universal values of the human spirit and anywhere, any time, ordinary people are given the chance to choose, the choice is the same. Freedom not tyranny. Democracy not dictatorship. The rule of law not the rule of the secret police. The spread of freedom is the best security for the free. It is our last line of defence and our first line of attack.

— Tony Blair

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