"When a movie like 'Superbad' or 'Moneyball' comes out, people make you feel like you're the most important person on the planet. The truth is, you're a billion percent not the most important person on the planet. It's all insulated in your world and no one could care less. It's just a movie."

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I think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create! Lets go! Anything that will make you run faster, jump higher! I have High-Definition TV! I want my athletes like my video games! Lets go! I could care less if you die at 40. You hate life after sports anyways. I'm doing you a favor.

— Daniel Tosh