"People don't want to see me having sex... I'm the queen of the 'kiss, foreplay, dissolve.' And then the 'Whoo! Good morning, tiger."

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Time machine... wouldn't you like to travel through time? I would. I'd go back... mess with people. You know what I would do? I would go back to when my mom and dad were having sex, to have me. Ya'know, come in, spank my dad on the ass I'm your son from the future! Ahaha!

— Dane Cook