"I drink tons of water. When you're puffy, you think you can't drink water since you feel more bloated and gross but that's what you do to get the toxins out of your system. I put a little lemon in the water bottle that I carry around with me or drink a cup of hot water with lemon. It's a natural diuretic."

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Regard yourself as a small corporation of one. Take yourself off on team-building exercises (long walks). Hold a Christmas party every year at which you stand in the corner of your writing room, shouting very loudly to yourself while drinking a bottle of white wine. Then masturbate under the desk. The following day you will feel a deep and cohering sense of embarrassment.

— Will Self