"But in college, we can wear our alcohol abuse as proudly as our university sweatshirts; the two concepts are virtually synonymous."

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But then, look at me. My brain is incorrectly formed, and I'm shaped like a tube. Plus, I'm an alcoholic, a "survivor" of childhood sexual abuse, was raised in a cult and have no education. So, really, if you think about it, the only thing that separates me from the guy with the stinky foot and no teeth is a book deal and some cologne.

— Augusten Burroughs