"You're the only one in control over your golf ball. It's not like tennis: you're hitting a shot and somebody's hitting it back at you."

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Advice to expectant mothers: you must remember that when you are pregnant, you are eating for two. But you must remember that the other one of you is about the size of a golf ball, so let's not go overboard with it. I mean, a lot of pregnant women eat as though the other person they're eating for is Orson Welles.

— Dave Barry