"You parents can provide no better gift for your children than an education in the liberal arts. House and home burn down, but an education is easy to carry along."

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All of my friends were seeing a therapist, and I thought something was wrong with me that I didn't see a therapist. So I went to a therapist to find out why I wasn't seeing a therapist. And it turns out I'm very screwed up. Thank God I found a therapist to tell me for $125 an hour.

— Ellen DeGeneres