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— Michael J. Fox"When I was 20, I would have taken a bullet in the head to never have to be 35."
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I feel sorry for Obama because he's still got to fight the innate racism of Americans. I mean, did you see his first speech, when he got made President and they put all that bullet proof glass in front of him? I think that shows you how racist America still is. Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anybody.
— Frankie Boyle
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
— Andy Borowitz
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