"My idea of a good job would be to be paid really well to sit on my ass all day to look at pictures."

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They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You don't know where you parked the car? Good job, Einstein.' I don't think we're honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots.

— Brian Regan