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— Milton Berle"My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?"
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."
— Milton Berle
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I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.
— Milton Berle
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