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— Mitch Hedberg"I went to the airport, I put my bag in the x-ray machine, I found out my bag has cancer. It only has six more months to hold stuff."
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Three things that always bring a smile to my face: making guacamole for my friends, getting pedicures with my mom, exploring an airport I've never been in.
— Tyler Oakley
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The TSA's airport body scanners have been shown to be so ineffective, the Homeland Security chairman suggested using traditional metal detectors. While LaGuardia will continue to just have a scarecrow dressed as a cop.
— Jimmy Fallon
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