"Ain't singing for Pepsi, ain't singing for Coke, I don't sing for nobody, makes me look like a joke."

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The first thing I do when I come home is check the refrigerator for cats because I'm convinced that if one dies, my husband will hide it in there because I don't cook and so I won't see it. I do drink Cokes, though ,so technically he should hide the corpse in the oven. And now I need to start checking the oven.

— Jenny Lawson