"It's a terrible thing being a patriarch. I don't even have a gray beard. But people keep calling me up for advice."

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I used to do that routine about my daughter being a hippy with the dirty sneakers and dirty blue jeans, but why a beard? And you know people would actually come to me and say, 'Does your daughter really have a beard?' I'd say, 'No, I made her shave it, but I let her keep the mustache.

— Jean Carroll