"... it is a fact universally acknowledged that a husband is the most ridiculous thing on earth, except for a bachelor."

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The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in everything. Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. The next best vegetable is the jalapeno pepper. It has the virtue of turning salads into practical jokes.

— P. J. O'Rourke