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— Phyllis Diller"get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one."
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While contemplating the bride, and eyeing the cake of soap, he muttered between his teeth: 'Tuesday. It was not Tuesday. Was it Tuesday? Perhaps it was Tuesday. Yes, it was Tuesday.' No one has ever discovered to what this monologue referred. Yes, perchance, this monologue had some connection with the last occasion on which he had dined, three days before, for it was now Friday.
— Victor Hugo
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At a wedding last week, my wife said: 'Isn't the bride beautiful ?' When I responded by saying, 'Yeah, but her blowjobs aren't half as good as yours', she got all pissed off. Women - they can't take a compliment!
— David Henry
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