"The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?."

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Most bad books get that way because their authors are engaged in trying to justify themselves. If a vain author is an alcoholic, then the most sympathetically portrayed character in his book will be an alcoholic. This sort of thing is very boring for outsiders.

— Stephen Vizinczey