"Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 361 get-well cards."

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They always say the Miss America Pageant isn't a beauty contest, it's really a scholarship program. If that's the case, why don't we just put all the contestants on 'Jeopardy!' and pick Miss America that way? At least you get the smartest one.

— Jay Leno