"I'd love to have time to do my hair, honestly. I'd love to be Victoria Beckham just for one day - to look that good. But I can't."

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I feel like the only person in the world who sees David Beckham modelling his swimming pants on the cover of Elle magazine and thinks - oh, how much better a handsome guy like you would look, David, without all those dumb ink stains stitched into your skin.

— Tony Parsons