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"Stan Musial, who said, Why didn't they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good Cardinal. Never got a dinner!"

— Red Buttons
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The only birds I know about are the duck and the dove and the quail, birds that you shoot. You're not really supposed to shoot cardinals. I don't know if I'd shoot this bird. It looks pretty mean. This bird might pull a gun out and shoot right back at you.

— Josh McCown

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The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.

— David Letterman

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