"Yes, my dear child, monsters are real. I happen to have one hanging in my basement."

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One of the leading causes of divorce is sexual incompatibility. Why not mandate premarital sex, overseen, of course, by the Marriage Board to ensure that it was carried out and completed as required? The final exam question could be: "Was it good for you two?" For good measure, the engaged couple should be required to work together on a home improvement project like installing a kitchen sink or finishing a basement. That's the ultimate test of a marital relationship.

— Mike Rosen