"Most of all, I want to thank my father, up there, the man who when I said I wanted to be an actor, he said, 'Wonderful. Just have a back-up profession like welding.'"

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I, uh...I have a television, so I'm going to spend some time here to tell you some things. [To orchestra conductor:] And, and...and sir, you're doing a great job, but you're so quick with that stick, so why don't you sit. 'Cause I may never be here again.'

— Julia Roberts